Imagining the unimaginable, Juche United Korea

Reminds me of George W. Bush for some reason.

The gap between North and South seems so deep and wide from outside that a union  would come as an almost unthinkable event. First we have living standards far from being similar, then we have culture, equally incompatible. For the two countries to unite, sadly, some kind of event of cataclysmic proportions needs to happen, I don't see any other way for the two very different peoples of the Korean Peninsula to sit at the same table without ultimately feeling the magnitude of their differences.

How would a Juche South Korea look like? This question shows I have a lot of spare time today but for entertainment purposes let's proceed.
- Your Samsung Galasy S III will get a forced update with all the works of Eternal President Kim Il-sung, 100 volumes of wise thoughts from the founder of the largest maximum security prison on Earth.
- There will be a five year plan to make the South as prosperous as the glorious North. Food rations will be implemented in order to stop waste while all excess food will be divided brotherly among the top members of the Workers' Party of Korea.
- The body of "eternal leader" Kim Jong-il would be enshrined in the building of the National Assembly in Seoul.
- The Ryugyong Hotel will finally be finished.
- A Museum of Love and Cooperation marking the moment of unification would be made with the voluntary help of thousands of South Korean businessmen.
- Your Kia will come, as a standard feature, with a plastic statue of Kim Jong-un next to the driver's seat, in this way his great mind and spirit will guide you to your destination better than a GPS.
- Due to the enormous insanity that would follow in the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese People's Party will dissolve and America will turn fascist.
- Pizza will be outlawed.
- All citizens would be cut off from the Internet and instead, added to the Kwangmyong where they will be able to deepen their research of the exterior, barbaric world with no fear of being deceived by deviant thoughts. (1)
- South Korean cinema will learn how to make scenes of thousands of people crying simultaneous like their life depended on it.
- The border will not be opened immediately, oh no... a decade or so would have to pass before the South catches up with the North, otherwise North Koreans will realize they live in hell and South Koreans will know where they are headed. 

To be honest this is nothing to joke about and I sincerely hope that North Koreans will be freed from their prison as soon as possible. For a hands on approach to the Juche republic you can read this article by Marc Bennetts on his Deeper than oil column on RIA Novosti.